Hello! How do you do? I remember watching this talk show, it must have been at least ten years ago. The guests on the program had phobias that seem very silly. One lady was scared of a head of lettuce, another man was terrified of cotton. The first segment of the show was basically an exercise in frightening the shit out of these poor people. The second segment was dedicated to an expert working with these folks trying to rid them of their fear. They were told to think of the cotton, once they weren't upset with the thought of a t-shirt, then they'd have to hold a q-tip...and so on. They say that fear is the inability to live in "The Now," and by thinking about the future and what could happen...when that clown decides to attack. Man, this clown scared the shit out of me one time at McDonald's. If it wasn't my sister's birthday party I would have kicked its ass.
"Traditionally dogs are hunters and guardians, rather than pets, therefore a certain amount of healthy fear is reasonable, and dogs, especially unfamiliar ones, should be approached with caution." - Wikipedia
I don't fear animals, but I do have a healthy respect for them. With that being said, I've been attacked by a cat and two by dogs this year. The first incident came last Christmas when we were in Las Vegas. My mother-in-law's dog, Remington was playing a game of keep-away with me and the lady in between opening Christmas presents. I had just opened my favorite gift (an Elvis Starbucks CD), started petting Remington when he snapped, barked once and bit me. I felt bad about my mother-in-law keeping the dog in the garage the rest of our stay...but not enough to object. Second attack.... We accept our friends invitation to dog sit their shih tzu while they're away visiting family. I met and played with the dog in question two days before with no problems, and had no qualms about going over to pick her up on my own. I walk into our friends' house, she barks at me and runs underneath the bed snarling. I attempt to coax her out with bologna and cheese for about fourty-five minutes. Forty Five Minutes! Have you ever heard of a dog not giving in for bologna and cheese? Me Neither. I call in my wife for reinforcement. When my wife arrives to save the day, she informs me, "the dog doesn't like men, especially tall ones." The next day I take the dog outside, right before heading to work not thinking about how long it might take, she barks profusely, runs to the corner of the yard and puts me to the decision. Pick her up, or wait it out in the one hundred and six degree heat. I choose option one, thinking that my hands might be quicker then her teeth (the heat will make you do some dumb shit). I'm proved completely wrong as I look down at my bloody finger. The dog takes off running under the fence and out of our yard. I'm sitting down on the porch with my toilet-paper-bandaged-finger, smoking a cigarette calling my wife...
....Phonebook, Wife, Call, Dialing, Connecting......
Drew: "Hey baby how are you doin'?"
Wife: "Good. Just working on some stuff, about to eat a snack. What's up?"
Drew: "You know our friends' dog?"
Wife: " Uh..Yeah.....?"
Drew: "She bit me."
Wife: "Are you serious?!"
Drew: "Yep. On the finger."
Wife: "Where's the dog?"
Drew: "(Silence)...Did you not hear the first part of this conversation? Let me start it over. Hey baby how you doin'? You know our friends' fing dog?!.....
I won't tell the story about the cat attack, but I will say that it happened during adoption of the newest member of our family.....Alice Hooper (Pictured below)
Like my dad always said, "A little pussy never hurt anybody." Ha Ha! Thanks for Reading! I love you! -Drew The View
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